This is Hard to Write

Today I experienced a Facebook glitch.  When I signed in this morning the first thing that I saw on my home page was a notification that a couple of my friends had commented on an old friend’s status.  The glitch is this: This old friend is no longer my friend.  In fact, she de-friended me from her Facebook account.

I was surprised at how strongly I would react to this glitch.  My first reaction was surprise.  Then I strangely felt excited, as if this friend had somehow friended me again and all was well.  Then I felt confused.  Why was I seeing this message?  Finally, I felt really sad.  I miss this friend.  We went through a lot together as new moms.  We shared so much.  We cried together and laughed together and just sat quietly watching our kids together.

Unfortunately, things quickly changed when my frustration over our parenting styles got the better of me.  I have never really been known to hold too much back.  Yes, it’s a fault. I’m working on it, but it is me.  I won’t divulge much else seeing as this old friend already feels that I have divulged too much.  I personally disagree, but that’s just part of being human.  You won’t always agree with everyone.

Anyway, the point is that this glitch caused a very strong reaction in me. I have been very, very sad all day and can’t seem to get this old friend off my mind.  I wish that we could go back and have a do-over, but I’m not sure that is possible.  The thing is that most of my memories of my little Jack as a baby and a toddler include this friend and her child.  I get a lump in my throat every time I realize that those memories will now forever be tarnished.  She might say that this is entirely my own fault, but I truly believe that we both played a part.  I have admitted my role and have taken responsibility for my actions.  I don’t expect anything in return. 

There are just so many days when I catch myself wanting to call her to share something silly or special.  I then remember that our days as friends are over and I will not get to share my life with her anymore.  I guess I will just have to be satisfied with the good memories that I have like holidays spent together, birthday’s for our children and ourselves that we have shared, silly moments that involve breast milk that only she and I can understand and oh so many more moments.

I guess to calm my sad heart I will have to remember only those good times and push back the moment when they ended.  Maybe in time things will change.  Who knows?  Maybe not.  I’m not a terrible person.  People do things others don’t agree with, but I think both sides deserve to be heard and understood.  Sigh….

I think I’ll go and think about eating m&m’s now and hopefully that will make me feel better.  I just hope this gets easier with time.

Peace.

Momsense Monday: I’ll Make This Short

When Mother’s Day rolls around again next year make sure that you are with people that will make you smile and laugh and that you are doing something that involves pampering and foot rubs of some sort.  This is your day after all.  The men in your life should be doing all they can to make you comfortable and happy.

If for some reason your day is revolving around the men in your life and not yourself quietly sneak away (even if that means taking the car and leaving them stranded) and go see a movie or get a pedicure or just treat yourself to a nice meal that you can eat in peace.

Please remember this advice next year if your Mother’s Day this year wasn’t all you wished it would be.

I’m Baaack!

Wow!  This is the longest I have been away from the blog since I began writing it.  Sniff…sniff…I really missed it.  As I earlier posted, my husband was away for a week leaving me to pine away for him and take care of almost three year old Jack. 

It truly was an  exhausting week for me and it made me realize that I am a bit pampered and very lucky.  When my husband is home and not traveling, which he doesn’t normally do without me, he arrives home between five and six o’clock.  He comes in, washes his hands, kisses me hello, sits down for all of ten minutes, then takes Jack to the playground for one to two hours.  I use this time to be a bum and catch up on a bunch of shows that I have DVRed.  Every once in a while I will wash the dishes or even, if I am feeling sassy, cook dinner.

So, after a long four days away, I have decided to reflect on all the awesome things that my husband does that I often take for granted.

1. He takes out the garbage every day without me ever asking.  This is a big deal.  We live in a walk-up and the garbage cans are located in the back of the building, down an iron staircase, in front of a wall that is lined by giant pigeons stalking the cans.  He is so brave.
2. He enjoys going grocery shopping.  I know that secretly he wishes that he could go alone, but sometimes I like to just wander the aisles.  Not only does he like to grocery shop, but he takes real pleasure in organizing and cleaning the refrigerator before he puts the food away.  Who does that?
3. He does the laundry.  I’m not joking when I say that I don’t even remember the last time I did the laundry.  I really don’t. It’s been years.  He also folds the laundry.  Most times I help, but he likes to fold it, so I let him.
4. He is really on top of our car maintenance.  We are never late getting our oil changed or getting a tune-up. That may not seem that impressive, but I think it is.
5. Most nights he cooks dinner.  Seeing that he is a chef and spends all day in a busy kitchen it truly shocks me that he is willing to come home and cook for us.  This could also mean however, that my cooking sucks so badly that even though he is tired and sick of handling food he would rather spend another half hour cooking that eat something that I prepared. Hmmmmmm.
6. He does all the heavy lifting.  Seriously, he never lets me pick up something too heavy.  I am pretty strong.  I think I could lift him if I tried, but he won’t let me so we’ll never know.
7. At the end of the day, he makes sure our son brushes his teeth, puts on our son’s pajamas, reads him stories and puts him to bed.

Yep, my husband rocks.  I am really glad that he is home and should remind him of this every day.  I should also remind myself every day how lucky I am.  If I had to do half the things listed above I would be even more exhausted than I normally am, plus we would be eating really crappy food and wearing dirty clothes.

I Thought This Would Be Harder

My husband is still out of the country, but will be back in a couple of days.  I have to admit I thought that it would be pretty hard having him gone for a week.  I am finding out, however, that I rock.  I do rock!  Being on my own with Jack for six days truthfully has not been hard.  Please if you know Dan do not repeat this.  He needs to think that I have suffered horribly this week and that each day was more painful than the next and that I cried myself to sleep every night wishing he were there.

In reality, this week has flown by and Jack and I are having a blast.  Don’t get me wrong, I do miss Dan terribly.  I don’t enjoy spending every evening alone and our bedroom is a pretty lonely place with just the geriatric cat and I sharing the bed.  But man, Jack and I are having fun!  I think I definitely over-planned our week to make sure that I properly tired Jack out, but I am loving my over-planning.  We have been so busy.  Here’s a quick rundown of what we’ve been up to:

• Playing with friends
• Multiple trips to the playground
• Trip to Children’s Museum of Manhattan
• A couple of trips to Barnes & Nobles
• Finger Painting
• Regular Painting
• Trip to Curly Girl’s place to hang out with the new baby. Aaahhhh.
• Art class
• Long walks through Fort Tryon Park
• Smelling flowers and bird watching in Fort Tryon Park
• Trip to the Queens Farm to pet cows and goats
• Visit to Grandma’s school to hang out with the kids and paint rocks
• Visit to Blond Mama’s place to feel the babies kick.  So cool.
• Brunch with Curly Girl and new baby
• Playing in sprinklers at the playground with new friends
• Digging for worms in Fort Tryon Park

OK.  I am exhausted just typing all of that.  I’m not saying that I’m lazy while Dan is home, but I do not keep up the same level of activity that I have this week.  I have to say that all my hard work has paid off and that Jack is going to bed so easily and he is sleeping through the night, something he does not do when Dan is home.  I wonder if he will go back to waking up at random times in the middle of the night when Dan gets back on Monday.  God I hope not.  I am so freakin rested I could run a marathon.  Well….I could think about running a marathon.  Actually, I could watch others run a marathon on t.v. while I snack out on Hershey Kisses and popcorn while laying on the couch.

As the end of our time alone together approaches I feel myself winding down and wanting to stay close to home.  I think I am done driving all over the place.  I just want to chill and sleep late or at least stay in my pj’s a little longer.  Tomorrow is our last day without Dan and we’ll probably spend it making Welcome Home signs and other cheesy things like that. Maybe a trip to the sprinklers will have to be in order as well.  I’d like to say that I did some wild things with my time after Jack was put to bed, but I didn’t.  I ate uninteresting dinners and fell asleep in front of the t.v..  I read books and spent way too much time online.  I played a lot and got lots of vitamin D.  I thought about Dan a lot and wished that he were home.