Category Archives: friends

This is Hard to Write

Today I experienced a Facebook glitch.  When I signed in this morning the first thing that I saw on my home page was a notification that a couple of my friends had commented on an old friend’s status.  The glitch is this: This old friend is no longer my friend.  In fact, she de-friended me from her Facebook account.

I was surprised at how strongly I would react to this glitch.  My first reaction was surprise.  Then I strangely felt excited, as if this friend had somehow friended me again and all was well.  Then I felt confused.  Why was I seeing this message?  Finally, I felt really sad.  I miss this friend.  We went through a lot together as new moms.  We shared so much.  We cried together and laughed together and just sat quietly watching our kids together.

Unfortunately, things quickly changed when my frustration over our parenting styles got the better of me.  I have never really been known to hold too much back.  Yes, it’s a fault. I’m working on it, but it is me.  I won’t divulge much else seeing as this old friend already feels that I have divulged too much.  I personally disagree, but that’s just part of being human.  You won’t always agree with everyone.

Anyway, the point is that this glitch caused a very strong reaction in me. I have been very, very sad all day and can’t seem to get this old friend off my mind.  I wish that we could go back and have a do-over, but I’m not sure that is possible.  The thing is that most of my memories of my little Jack as a baby and a toddler include this friend and her child.  I get a lump in my throat every time I realize that those memories will now forever be tarnished.  She might say that this is entirely my own fault, but I truly believe that we both played a part.  I have admitted my role and have taken responsibility for my actions.  I don’t expect anything in return. 

There are just so many days when I catch myself wanting to call her to share something silly or special.  I then remember that our days as friends are over and I will not get to share my life with her anymore.  I guess I will just have to be satisfied with the good memories that I have like holidays spent together, birthday’s for our children and ourselves that we have shared, silly moments that involve breast milk that only she and I can understand and oh so many more moments.

I guess to calm my sad heart I will have to remember only those good times and push back the moment when they ended.  Maybe in time things will change.  Who knows?  Maybe not.  I’m not a terrible person.  People do things others don’t agree with, but I think both sides deserve to be heard and understood.  Sigh….

I think I’ll go and think about eating m&m’s now and hopefully that will make me feel better.  I just hope this gets easier with time.

Peace.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under friends, Uncategorized

Hi. I’m Jack. Hi. I’m Jack too.

And just like that they were instant friends. It was as if they had known each other forever instead of mere seconds. How did they do that?

It was a quiet afternoon in Barnes & Nobles today and Jack and I stopped in to play with the train table and play on the stage. After playing hide and seek on the stage for a couple of minutes Jack discovered Jack. He was a little taller and a little older and was as interested in my Jack as my Jack was in him.

The friendship was fast and in a matter of seconds they were off to play with the trains. I introduced myself to Jack’s mom Maria and we quickly began finding similarities between our sons. There were many similarities and many differences as well, but we were the only ones that noticed them. One thing that was strikingly similar was how friendly both boys were and how nicely they shared trains and books and laughs.

As Maria and I talked I noticed that we too had some things in common. We are both SAHM’s. We are both interested in working from home and having a hard time finding our way. We are both head over heels in love with our son’s and we both named them Jack. I’m sure if we had spent more time together I could have found more similarities and probably more than a few differences and I found myself wondering if we could actually be friends.

The Jack’s spent an hour together playing and reading and then we all shared a really nice lunch together. And just like that it was over. Maria and I threw away the garbage and went about putting our kid’s coats on. We said really nice good-bye’s, the boys hugged and both Maria and I agreed that we had a really nice time and then we went our separate ways.

As I walked out of Barnes & Nobles with a very sleepy Jack I felt like I had when I was younger and had just met a great guy at a bar and then left without exchanging phone numbers. I wanted to ask Maria if she wanted to get the boys together again, but I didn’t want to seem too pushy. Maybe she felt the same way. Next time I will be bolder and make the first move. What do I have to lose?

I look back at all of the friends I made before having a baby and remember the ease in which I slid into those relationships. I wish it were still that easy and sometimes it is.

Leave a comment

Filed under Barnes and Noble Jack, friends, relationships

When You Live in a Walk-Up

WHEN YOU LIVE IN A WALK-UP:

You memorize all the phone numbers of the places that deliver.

You get groceries delivered.

You get wine delivered.

You get everything delivered.

You send your laundry out to be washed.

You chant, “I hate these stairs.”, every single time you walk up them.

You talk yourself into believing that walking upstairs is an actual workout and stop going to the gym.

You know who your true friends are when they agree to come to your place instead theirs.

You have strange erotic dreams about elevators.

WHEN YOU LIVE IN A WALK-UP AND HAVE A BABY:

You believe that you are going to forever be trapped inside with a crying infant.

It takes two hours worth of planning just to leave the apartment. Wait…make that three.

You pack extra diapers.

You pack your stroller with enough stuff to last you a week.

You become an expert at bumping a stroller down stairs.

You become an expert at pulling a stroller up stairs.

You silently chant, “I hate these stairs.”, every single time you walk up them.

You truly are trapped in your apartment when it snows and your super doesn’t shovel the stairs outside. Oh…I guess I forgot to mention the outside stairs.

You get to see the true kindness that exists in the people that offer to help you up the stairs.

You silently curse out the guy that pushes past you as you are dragging your stroller up the stairs while carrying groceries and does not offer to help you.

You know who your true friends are when they agree to come to your place instead of theirs…especially when they are also coming with a stroller.

You discover how strong you are and how a couple of flights of stairs can’t stop you from going places.

But, you still have strange, erotic dreams about elevators.

Leave a comment

Filed under deliver, friends, stairs, wine

Busted!!

I don’t know if anyone has decided to check out this blog, but I do realize that I have been outed to the neighborhood. My dear dear friend Iris with the best of intent let you all know that I have started this blog. I am pretty new at blogging and have been testing out the waters here. It’s been my little writing experiment.
So, if you choose to check in from time to time that’s cool and if you find this blog to not be your style that’s cool too. I am just happy that Iris appreciates what I have to say. That’s what makes her such a good friend.
Peace.

Leave a comment

Filed under friends, neighborhood, writing

Snow Day Do-Over

Well, luck must have been on my side because I actually managed to get off of my butt, out of my pajamas, and out of the house. It only took about two hours to get Jack changed out of his pj’s and into three layers of clothes and into his snowsuit and snow boots. Two hours and about twenty five, “Come here Jack’s!”.

Thankfully we were super lucky to have our good friends Iris and Nico join us in our adventure into the Blizzard of 2010. Having them come out with us made the journey so much more special. Jack just absolutely adores Iris and Nico is truly a best friend. The boys were adorable dressed in so many clothes that they looked double their size and each wore an animal hat on top of their winter hats. Too cute.
When we got outside we plopped them onto their sleds and headed out to Bennett Park. By the way, Bennett Park does not have any hills at all. I know that part of my Snow Day Do-Over was to go sledding, but I figured that pulling Jack to the park on the sled counted as something. He didn’t realize that sledding involved hills so he was quite happy with me pulling him really fast all around the park.
I have to say my favorite part of the day was building a snowman with Iris. I grew up building snowmen. I am not good at it, but I have had some experience. Iris is from the Dominican Republic so needless to say, she did not grow up building snowmen. We had a blast. OK our snowman was only two feet tall and it’s face looked a little scary and the hay that we used for hair made the snowman look slightly evil. But it was our snowman. I’d like to say that the boys helped us build it, but they were too busy playing in the snow and then too busy trying to destroy our poor scary snowman.
It was nice to feel like a kid again. I guess that’s one of the joys of having kids. If I didn’t have Jack I don’t know if I would have left the apartment. I probably would have stayed inside and watched The View and fell asleep on the couch. I am so glad that is not how things worked out. Although the sleep part does sound pretty good.

Another favorite part of this wonderful snow day was when Jack called Nico his brother. He was sledding and then began crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said with a sob that he wanted his brother. I pointed out that he didn’t have a brother. (Was this a hint or something?) He immediately said that he wanted Nico, his brother. I quickly brought him over to Nico and these two sweet little boys hugged and Jack was immediately calmed. I never knew such special friendships could occur between such young people. It just made me want to cry.
When we were thoroughly soaked and tired we plopped the boys back on the sled and headed back to our building. After we got home and Jack got out of his boots and snow pants he promptly walked into the arm of a chair and cried for fifteen minutes and then fell asleep. There were no pancakes, but there was fun and friends and great memories. Oh…and a really scary snowman.
Peace.

Leave a comment

Filed under brother, friends, kids, memories, snow day, youth