Things to do while waiting in the delivery room with friends:
- Read magazines
- Watch your friends eat and silently curse them out, while you enjoy the “oh so delicious” sugar water that is running through your IV. Damn.
- Watch the Octomom on Oprah and thank All That’s Good in the World that you are not her.
- Do yoga from your bed and then get scolded by the nurse.
- Stop doing yoga and lay back discouraged and angry at the nurse.
- Watch Monty Python’s, The Meaning of Life: Birth on your friend’s laptop. It is awesome, especially The Machine That Goes Bing.
- Word of the Day: “Catapult”
- Watch your friends thoughtlessly drink large lattes and silently curse them out.
- Watch your friends rummage through all the drawers and cabinets in the room looking for things to steal.
- Watch your “friends” whip out lemon bars and chocolate chip cookies the size of bowling balls and ingest them like the heathens they are.
- Laugh while one of your friends mistakes lubricating jelly for peanut butter and jelly. Don’t ask. This was a real comment.
- Watch your friends try on doctor’s masks, blue surgical berets, and gloves in an attempt to make you laugh.
- Begin filming your so-called friends making asses of themselves to use later as revenge for the wild cookie eating.
- Accidentally delete footage of friends making asses of themselves. Immediately begin hatching new revenge plan that unfortunately does not include earlier footage.
- Watch Dancing With the Stars with the sound off which is the best way to watch it since all of them kind of suck. Good-bye Kate Gosselin.
- Ask friends to turn off the lights, roll on your side, and pray that the baby makes an appearance this century at least. Is that too much to ask?
I love you Curly Girl. You did a great job.