I Have Now Entered the Twilight Zone

That’s what it’s been like around here for the past week.  The Twilight Zone. Doo Doo Doo Doo. I have entered another dimension of parenting.  It is a dimension I have never been to before.  No one warned me about this dimension.  I’ve never seen it written about in all of those parenting books I have dutifully read.  All I can say is WTF? 

The past week has been full of indecision. What socks to wear? The red or the green? What pants to wear? The soft ones or the jeans?  What shoes to wear? Jumping shoes or fast shoes?  All of these decisions have brought on onslaughts of tears and sorrow. True sorrow…it seems.  Never have emotions come and go so swiftly.  One minute death cries and the next hysterical laughing. I am pretty sure that I am now living with a crazy person.  Yep.  Pretty sure.

I have had moments when I have actually Googled “over the phone psychiatrists”. I wonder if they make toddler Zanax.  Hmmm.  If they did I might actually consider giving it to this poor kid.  Maybe I’m the one who needs the Zanax.  I truly do feel like I have slipped through some rabbit hole into a weird world where everything is upside down and inside out and no one can make up their mind.

Every decision Jack makes seems to be bringing him to the edge of sanity.  The poor guy.  Imagine every time you put on your shoes you were OK with your decision for about four minutes and then you felt the utter need to change them and then you change your mind again and then the stress of the whole situation leaves you in a crumpled heap on your couch crying your eyes out.  Hmmmm.  Kind of reminds me of pregnancy. 

I have never seen such sorrow over such trivial things.  And it’s not like I am giving Jack a bunch of choices either.  My mom said that I should limit the choices I am giving him, but I am not giving him a choice of shoes or pants or socks.  I am picking out clothes, putting them on his body, then stepping back while he flips out.  I have also tried letting him pick out his own clothing to wear to see if that would help.  Maybe he just doesn’t like the things I am picking out, but having him choose on his own is even more painful to watch.  It is like asking him to choose what kind of ice cream he wants while showing him twenty-five different flavors.  Even I break down when having to choose what ice cream flavor to get.  I guess that’s why I always choose chocolate chip mint.  Why put my self through the pain of wishing for some other flavor.  The flavor of regret never tastes good.

This swing or that swing? This slide or that slide? Chocolate or vanilla? Almond milk or regular milk?  Oh my god!  I just want to scream, “Make up your mind already!” I was never truly aware of all of the choices we make on a daily basis.  And again, I am not offering these choices to Jack.  He seems to be putting this pressure on himself.  It’s making me sad for him, but at the same time I am feeling pretty sad for myself because every part of every day now seems twice as long and full of tears.  I don’t feed into the tantrums and I am not bending over backwards to please him, but it is really exhausting to watch. 

I really hope he can’t find his way out of this phase fast because I don’t know how much longer I can last.  I am trying to be patient.  Really I am.  I was an elementary school teacher for thirteen years.  I always thought that I was pretty patient and that that patience would make me a perfect candidate for motherhood.  Was I ever wrong.  You can reason with a ten year old.  Hell, you can have awesome, intelligent conversations with a ten year old, but you can not, under any circumstances, reason with a two year old.  And if you think you can then you are simply delusional. End of story.


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Filed under choices, ice cream, Twilight Zone, Zanax

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