How to Take a Shower

How to take a shower when you have…

A newborn:

Hopefully the newborn is sleeping somewhere. Preferably a crib or bassinet. Quickly jump into the shower.
Wash hair with shampoo. Try to remember to rinse the shampoo out of your hair.
Jump out of shower because you thought you heard the baby make a noise.
Realize the baby is still sleeping.
Get back into the shower.
Jump out of shower again because you thought you heard the baby crying.
The baby is still sleeping.
Get back into the shower
Forget to condition your hair or skip this step entirely because it takes too much time.
Hopefully shave underarms. Save legs for another day and time…maybe when summer rolls around.
Jump out of the shower because you are certain that this time the baby is definitely crying.
The baby is still sleeping.
Get back into the shower.
Forget to wash face and then have to do it at the sink after you get out of the shower.
Run to baby’s room to find the baby still sleeping.
Put on same clothes you were wearing before you took a shower.
Sit on the couch and try to take advantage of a little quiet time.
Baby starts crying.

An infant:

Put bouncy seat in bathroom and place infant inside. Forget to use the straps.
Give infant some sort of toy.
Quickly jump into the shower.
Wash hair with shampoo. Try to remember to rinse the shampoo out of your hair.
Attempt to condition your hair.
Get out of tub to give baby back the the toy they have thrown on the floor.
Completely forget to rinse the conditioner out of your hair.
Shave underarms.
Shave legs, but get distracted by baby crying and only shave one.
Get out of tub to put baby back in bouncy seat after falling out.
Wash face.
Get out of shower and realize that you have forgotten your towel in the bedroom.
Inch your dripping body past the still crying baby and get towel.
Realize you still have conditioner in your hair.
Give another toy to baby.
Get back in shower and rinse the conditioner out of your hair.
Get out of shower and dry off with towel that you suspect has earlier been used by significant other.
Put on soft comfy clothes.
Take baby out of bouncy seat and give a big hug.
Baby spits up in your hair and down your back and you are back to step one.

A toddler:
Put on child’s favorite TV show.
Quickly get into shower.
Wash hair.
Suddenly feel cold water hitting your body.
Realize that your toddler has come into the bathroom, turned on the sink and is throwing small cups of cold water at you.
Tell toddler to go back to watching TV.
Try to condition hair. Rinse right away so you don’t forget…again.
Wash face.
Wonder what is poking you on the leg, but cannot open eyes to see what it is.
Rinse soap off of face.
Look and see your toddler poking you with toy sword.
Tell toddler to play quietly with toys on the bathroom floor.
Shave legs.
Have a running commentary on exactly what you are doing, why you are doing it, what you are using to do it, and how long it will take.
Get out of shower.
Realize you have forgotten to shave your underarms. Shrug your shoulders and save that for another day.
Dry off with a towel while explaining why you are drying off, what you are using to dry yourself off, and how long it will take to dry yourself off.
Get dressed in somewhat of a cute outfit while explaining why you chose the underwear you are wearing, the jeans you are putting on, and the shirt that you are about to put on.
Give toddler big hug only to realize that their hands are covered in chocolate and you need to dress yourself all over again.

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Filed under bath, infant, newborn, shower, toddler

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